How to Handle the Transition to Assisted Living

Moving a parent into assisted living is a big change for everyone. There can be relief, guilt, grief and hope all in the same week. With some planning and a lot of patience, the move can go more smoothly than you expect, and many people end up happier than they were at home.

Start the conversation early

If you can, talk about assisted living before a crisis forces the decision. Focus on what your loved one wants: safety, company, less housework, more time for hobbies. Let them lead where possible. People adjust better when they feel the choice was theirs.

Choose the right community

• Tour at least two or three communities, and visit at mealtime if you can
• Ask for a full list of fees and how care costs change as needs grow
• Check the latest state inspection report
• Talk to residents and families you meet
• Make sure the community can handle likely future needs, such as memory care

Plan the move

• Measure the new apartment and decide which furniture fits
• Bring favorite things: a familiar chair, photos, a quilt, a lamp
• Set up the room before your loved one arrives so it already feels like home
• Label clothing and belongings
• Share routines, likes and dislikes with the staff

Money and paperwork

Review how the move will be paid for, whether through savings, a home sale, long term care insurance or VA benefits. Make sure legal documents like a power of attorney and health care directive are up to date, and give copies to the community. Read the residency agreement carefully and ask about notice periods and refund policies.

The first few weeks

Most people need several weeks to settle in, and some need a couple of months. Visit often in the beginning, but also give your loved one space to join activities and meet people. Ask staff which residents might be a good match and encourage those friendships.

Some sadness is normal. If it lasts, or if your loved one stops eating, sleeping or joining in, talk with the staff and their doctor.

Take care of yourself

You may feel guilty even when you know it was the right choice. That is common. Remember that you are still their family and their advocate. Now you get to spend more of your time together being a son or daughter, not only a caregiver.

What to do next

If you are starting to look, search assisted living communities near your loved one on CareEven, or let our team help you build a short list.